funny quotes goodreads
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HomeMy BooksBrowse ▾RecommendationsChoice AwardsGenresGiveawaysNew ReleasesListsExploreNews & InterviewsArtBiographyBusinessChildren'sChristianClassicsComicsCookbooksEbooksFantasyFictionGraphic NovelsHistorical FictionHistoryHorrorMemoirMusicMysteryNonfictionPoetryPsychologyRomanceScienceScience FictionSelf HelpSportsThrillerTravelYoung AdultMore Genres
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Showing 1-30 of 40,616
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
―
Albert Einstein
“So many books, so little time.”
―
Frank Zappa
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
―
Mae West
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
―
Narcotics Anonymous
“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
―
Jane Austen,
Northanger Abbey
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
―
Steve Martin
“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
―
Mark Twain
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
―
Douglas Adams,
The Salmon of Doubt
“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
―
Garrison Keillor
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
―
Robert A. Heinlein
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
―
Charles M. Schulz
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
―
Jim Henson
“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
―
Woody Allen
“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
―
Paul Terry
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
―
Groucho Marx
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
―
Charles Bukowski
“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”
―
John Green
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
―
Terry Pratchett,
Diggers
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
―
George Carlin
“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
―
Benjamin Franklin Wade
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
―
W.C. Fields
“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
―
Charles M. Schulz
“Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”
―
Suzanne Collins,
The Hunger Games
“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
―
Jane Austen,
Pride and Prejudice
“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
―
Lewis Carroll
“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes," said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”
―
J.K. Rowling,
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
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HomeMy BooksBrowse ▾RecommendationsChoice AwardsGenresGiveawaysNew ReleasesListsExploreNews & InterviewsArtBiographyBusinessChildren'sChristianClassicsComicsCookbooksEbooksFantasyFictionGraphic NovelsHistorical FictionHistoryHorrorMemoirMusicMysteryNonfictionPoetryPsychologyRomanceScienceScience FictionSelf HelpSportsThrillerTravelYoung AdultMore Genres
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Funny Book Quotes Quotes
Quotes tagged as "funny-book-quotes"
Showing 1-30 of 72
“(If plan KTB kill the bastard) didn't work, well, gray would resort to Plan B: Operation Oh Sh**”
―
Gena Showalter,
Jewel of Atlantis
“If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.”
―
E.A. Bucchianeri
“A book can give you an experience of someone’s life in a few hours, and this is far more profitable than any sale that’s going on.”
―
Neeraj Agnihotri,
In The Name Of Blasphemy
“Dogs are angels full of poop.”
―
Oliver Gaspirtz,
Pet Humor!
“Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.”
―
Oliver Markus,
Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends
“You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex.”
―
Carrie Vaughn,
Kitty's House of Horrors
“For some reason riding a caffeinated dragon just sounded like a monumentally bad idea.”
―
A.J. Sky,
Starstorm
“Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you’re saying, but shut your pretty pie hole.”
―
Cristin Harber,
Savage Secrets
“The room they had reached served as an impromptu drug-lounge in which a hundred naked addicts engaged in communal sex. One of them drew nearer and spontaneously relieved himself all over Aurora’s shoes.‘You’re welcome,’ the addict said proudly, buttoning up his soiled jeans and walking away like a champ.
A nearby woman saw the whole thing and smirked. ‘You’re one lucky lady, you know that?’ she smiled toothlessly. The remnants of today’s orgy were still visible in her mouth. ‘I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”
―
Louise Blackwick,
5 Stars
HomeMy BooksBrowse ▾RecommendationsChoice AwardsGenresGiveawaysNew ReleasesListsExploreNews & InterviewsArtBiographyBusinessChildren'sChristianClassicsComicsCookbooksEbooksFantasyFictionGraphic NovelsHistorical FictionHistoryHorrorMemoirMusicMysteryNonfictionPoetryPsychologyRomanceScienceScience FictionSelf HelpSportsThrillerTravelYoung AdultMore Genres
Find & Share Quotes with Friends
Funny Book Quotes Quotes
Quotes tagged as "funny-book-quotes"
Showing 1-30 of 72
“(If plan KTB kill the bastard) didn't work, well, gray would resort to Plan B: Operation Oh Sh**”
―
Gena Showalter,
Jewel of Atlantis
“If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.”
―
E.A. Bucchianeri
“A book can give you an experience of someone’s life in a few hours, and this is far more profitable than any sale that’s going on.”
―
Neeraj Agnihotri,
In The Name Of Blasphemy
“Dogs are angels full of poop.”
―
Oliver Gaspirtz,
Pet Humor!
“Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.”
―
Oliver Markus,
Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends
“You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex.”
―
Carrie Vaughn,
Kitty's House of Horrors
“For some reason riding a caffeinated dragon just sounded like a monumentally bad idea.”
―
A.J. Sky,
Starstorm
“Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you’re saying, but shut your pretty pie hole.”
―
Cristin Harber,
Savage Secrets
“The room they had reached served as an impromptu drug-lounge in which a hundred naked addicts engaged in communal sex. One of them drew nearer and spontaneously relieved himself all over Aurora’s shoes.‘You’re welcome,’ the addict said proudly, buttoning up his soiled jeans and walking away like a champ.
A nearby woman saw the whole thing and smirked. ‘You’re one lucky lady, you know that?’ she smiled toothlessly. The remnants of today’s orgy were still visible in her mouth. ‘I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”
―
Louise Blackwick,
5 Stars
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