funny quotes about army life

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I can’t guarantee that these funny military quotes are correct or true, but I have tried to verify as many of the funny quotes as possible. Please contact me if you find any errors, or if you have some additional information about the funny quotes or if you know any funny military quotes that’s not listed here.

“Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads — they are not there accidentally.”Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930’s

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine…– From a Soviet Junior Lt’s Notebook

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…At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop “sniffed” to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany’s side!To which Churchill supposedly replied:“that seems only fair, we had them last time!”…

“The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis.”– from a post-war debriefing of a German General

I can’t guarantee that all of these funny quotes are correct or true, but I have tried to verify as many of them as possible. Please contact me if you find any errors in the quotes, have any more information about the funny quotes or if you know more funny military quotes that’s not listed here.

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“The Lord God is my Armour!”– Gustavus Adolphus,refusing the steel body armour offered by his aides. At the Battle of Lützen (where he was killed), 16. September 1632. The reason he didn’t want to wear armour is that he had been wounded in Dirschau, Poland, and couldn’t wear armour because of that wound. He refused to stay in camp despite that he couldn’t wear armour.

“We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn in this life that we tend to meet any situation by reorganizing. And a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.”– Wrongly attributed to Petronius Arbiter, Roman hedonist, about 60 A.D. It is not found anywhere in his works. The earliest known occurrence seems to be in the British occupation force in Germany after WWII. The quote is believed to be a fabrication from this time.

“Tanks are easily identified, easily engaged, much-feared targets which attract all the fire on the battlefield. When all is said and done, a tank is a small steel box crammed with inflammable or explosive substances which is easily converted into a mobile crematorium for its highly skilled crew.”– Brigadier Shelford Bidwell

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